Question: Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m my own worst critic, always focusing on my flaws and failures. I’m really struggling with self-doubt it’s exhausting and disheartening, and I know it’s eating away at my confidence and my faith. How can I shift my mindset and start being more compassionate and confident?
Answer: It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time, and it’s commendable that you’re seeking ways to improve your situation. Building self-esteem is an act of kindness to yourself, endorsed by our faith, which teaches us to recognise our worth as creations of Allah. Start by identifying the qualities Allah has blessed you with and thank Allah for them. Engage in acts of self-care and ibadah that reinforce your value, such as volunteering or extra prayers, reminding yourself of your purpose and potential. When doubts arise, counter them with reminders of Allah’s love and mercy, seeking to view yourself through a compassionate, Islamic lens.
To build self-compassion and counter self-doubt, remember the Hadith: ‘The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behaviour…’ (At-Tirmidhi). Let this teaching encourage you to extend kindness and compassion to yourself, as your behaviour towards yourself reflects your faith.
The FLY Framework offers some valuable insights and strategies that could help you shift your mindset and cultivate more compassion and confidence.
Find
Start by addressing your perception of yourself and your situation. Engage in “Tafakkur” (reflection) to explore your thoughts and feelings deeply. Identify and challenge the negative self-beliefs that fuel your self-doubt. This might involve recognising and disputing thoughts such as “I’m not good enough” or “I always fail.” Replace these with affirmations that are aligned with your inherent worth and your values as a Muslim, such as “I am valued by Allah” and “I strive to do my best.”
Love
Cultivate emotions that support your well-being. In Islam, emotions like love, compassion, and gratitude are not only human experiences but reflections of divine attributes. Engage in practices that foster these positive emotions. For instance, daily gratitude journaling can shift focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in your life. Also, practising “Targhīb” (encouragement) can help motivate you by focusing on the positive outcomes of overcoming your struggles.
Yield
Translate your new, healthier perceptions and emotions into actions. This involves setting realistic, achievable goals and taking small, consistent steps towards them. Apply the SPIRIT Sequence to break down situations and your reactions to them, helping you make more conscious decisions that are aligned with your improved self-perception and emotional state.
Remember, the FLY Framework is not necessarily linear. The components—Find, Love, Yield—are interconnected. Your actions (Yield) can affect how you see yourself (Find), and your emotions (Love) can inspire new actions (Yield). Engaging with each aspect mindfully can help create a balanced approach to overcoming self-doubt and building confidence.
Never forget to turn to Allah by incorporating prayer and dua into your daily routine to seek Allah’s guidance.
By adopting this holistic approach, blending self-awareness with actionable steps and spiritual practices, you can nurture a more compassionate view towards yourself and gradually build the confidence to face life’s challenges with faith and poise.
