In our everyday lives as mothers, we’re tasked with a crucial responsibility of not just raising children, but nurturing souls. To be a mother is more than providing food, shelter, or education. It’s about spiritual, mental, and emotional development – in a nutshell, it’s about “Tarbiyah” – the Islamic concept of nurturing and developing individuals.
The Islamic nurturing approach at its broadest sense is a 3-way approach that is holistic, pragmatic, and divine. It emphasises the importance of a balanced upbringing that will, Insha’Allah, foster a healthy, well-rounded individual. This approach isn’t just about what we should do, but rather how Allah, our Lord, nurtures us. He builds us, shields us, and heals us, and so, we should strive to do the same for our children.
1. Building the Foundations:
Just as a house needs a sturdy foundation to stand firm, so too does a child’s character. Encouraging them towards all that is good forms the basis of their character, providing them with a positive framework for their lives.
Promote the virtues of piety and good conduct in your child, instilling in them a sense of righteousness through their actions. Nurture a growth mindset, fostering an environment where they can become positive contributors to their communities. This stage is all about reinforcing values, encouraging good deeds and fostering a love for doing good.
Now, let’s reflect on how Allah does this for us. Consider the example of Salah (prayers), which instils in us regular habits of piety and good conduct. Through the daily observance of prayers, Allah guides us towards righteous actions and strengthens our growth mindset. In the same way, we should guide our children to nurture these qualities within them.
2. Offering Protection:
As nurturers, it is our duty to protect our children from any harm. This includes safeguarding them from misleading misconceptions that might lead them astray. We need to encourage them to fight against harmful desires and avoid intellectual stagnation. Upholding disciplinary measures and employing precautionary methods are all part of this protective shield.
Remember, it’s not just about shielding them physically, but also spiritually and mentally, by guiding them towards the right path and away from potential pitfalls.
Here, it’s beneficial to reflect on the way Allah shields us. For instance, consider the purpose of the prohibitions in Islam. Allah shields us from harm by guiding us away from destructive behaviours such as lying, stealing, and backbiting. He gives us a moral compass, a set of disciplinary measures to protect us from harm. Similarly, we should strive to protect our children, offering guidance and discipline when necessary.
3. Healing and Mending:
No journey is without its ups and downs, and it’s essential to prepare our children for the times they may stumble. This is where healing comes into play.
Provide a safe pathway for them to heal and mend, encouraging them to learn from their mistakes and grow. Teach them the power of forgiveness and the importance of keeping doors open for hope and opportunities. Show compassion and supplication, while enabling them to achieve even greater growth. It’s through these moments that they can learn to hold themselves accountable, learn from their errors, and become better.
Finally, let’s think about how Allah heals and mends us. Take the example of repentance (Tawbah). Allah always leaves the door of Tawbah open for us, providing us with the chance to mend our mistakes and heal. He forgives us, shows compassion, and allows us to grow even through our faults. As mothers, we should strive to provide the same compassionate and forgiving environment for our children to grow and thrive. So just like Allah is ever-forgiving and merciful, we too should be a source of mercy and forgiveness for our children. Let us create an environment where they can make mistakes, learn, and ultimately, grow into better versions of themselves.
In the journey of nurturing, it’s important to remember that each child is unique and requires different approaches. However, the underlying principles remain the same – building, shielding, and healing. It’s a balance of love, discipline, and guidance – a holistic and divine way of Tarbiyah that helps spark greatness in our children, while sustaining their growth.
Let’s illustrate this concept with the story of Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, the first wife of Prophet Muhammad, and the mother of their four children.
Khadijah was a successful businesswoman and a deeply loving and attentive mother. She used this 3-way approach – building, shielding and healing – in her parenting, helping her children grow into strong, virtuous individuals.
Building the Foundations:
Khadijah built a sturdy foundation for her children by instilling good values and virtues. Her household was one where the virtues of kindness, honesty and generosity were practised and cherished. It was in her home that the revelation of Islam began and her children were among the first to witness and learn these divine teachings.
Consider how she mirrored Allah’s guidance in this aspect. Just as Allah guides us towards piety through practices like Salah, Khadijah guided her children towards righteous actions. For example, she nurtured a loving and supportive environment where her daughters grew into strong, righteous women and her son became a known Muslim despite the societal pressures of their time.
Offering Protection:
As a protective mother, Khadijah safeguarded her children from harmful influences of the Quraysh society, which at that time was steeped in idol worship and various injustices. She steered them away from such practices and towards a path of righteousness.
Reflect on how this mirrors Allah’s protection. Just as Allah shields us from harm by prohibiting destructive behaviours, Khadijah protected her children by guiding them away from the prevailing societal norms that contradicted the values of justice, compassion and monotheism.
Healing and Mending:
Every family faces trials and Khadijah’s was no exception. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) received his first revelation, it was a confusing and frightening time for him and his family. But Khadijah provided a safe space for healing and reassurance. She supported her husband and eased her children’s worries, teaching them to trust in Allah’s wisdom.
Just as Allah provides a path to healing and growth through His mercy and forgiveness, Khadijah helped her family navigate their challenges and learn from their experiences.
Khadijah’s role as a mother serves as an excellent example of the 3-way approach to Islamic parenting. As mothers, we can take inspiration from her life, striving to build strong foundations for our children, protect them from harm and offer a nurturing environment for healing and growth.
Remember that each child is unique and our approaches need to be tailored to their individual needs. Still, the fundamental principles of building, protecting and healing remain the same. Through this holistic approach, we can inspire greatness in our children and sustain their growth.
At Spiritual Gradient, we’re dedicated to simplifying guidance for mothers, sparking greatness in our children and sustaining their growth. As Muslim women, it is incumbent upon us to embrace this divine way of Tarbiyah – to develop, protect and allow our children to grow from their mistakes, just as our Lord, Allah, does for us.
