Question: I often feel overwhelmed and anxious in social situations, and it’s starting to really affect my daily life and relationships. I struggle to engage in conversations, meet new people, or even attend events that I might enjoy. This anxiety makes me feel isolated and misunderstood. What steps can I take to manage this social anxiety effectively, and how can I start to feel more comfortable and confident in social settings?
Answer: Navigating social anxiety can indeed be challenging, but with the right strategies and support, you can gradually find more ease and confidence in social situations. My FLY Framework is structured around three key components: Find, Love, and Yield. Here’s how you might apply these components to manage social anxiety:
Find
Identify Triggers: Recognise the specific situations or interactions that trigger your social anxiety. This could involve noting when and where you feel most anxious and what thoughts are going through your mind at those times.
Awareness of Thoughts: Pay attention to the negative thoughts or assumptions you have about social interactions. Often, anxiety is fuelled by beliefs like “I will say something embarrassing” or “Others are judging me”. Increase your awareness of negative thoughts and replace them with trust in Allah’s plan. The Quran says, “And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him” (Quran 65:3). Remind yourself that Allah is with those who patiently persevere.
Love
Self-Compassion: Cultivate compassion towards yourself. Understand that feeling anxious is a common human experience and does not define your worth. Practice speaking to yourself with kindness and encouragement. Reflect upon Allah being Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) and Ar-Raheem (The Most Compassionate), and He teaches us to be merciful to ourselves and others.
Emotional Regulation: Develop skills to manage intense emotions that arise during social interactions. Practice emotional regulation through mindfulness and dhikr (remembrance of Allah), which can help soothe anxiety. Regularly reciting phrases like “SubhanAllah” (Glory be to Allah), “Alhamdulillah” (All praise is due to Allah), and “Allahu Akbar” (Allah is the Greatest) can bring inner peace and focus.
Yield
Gradual Exposure: Take small, incremental steps to face your social fears. For example, start with a low-stress interaction, such as greeting a neighbour, and gradually increase to more challenging situations like initiating conversations at social gatherings.
Seek Support: Consider participating in community events which can build your social confidence in a supportive environment.
If we extend the application through the SPIRIT Sequence, it might look like this:
Scene: Identify when and where you feel anxious and seek Allah’s protection. Before entering a social situation, recite the dua for anxiety: “Allahumma inni a’udhu bika minal hammi wal hazan” (O Allah, I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow).
Proposition: Notice what you are telling yourself in these moments. Change your internal narrative by affirming your reliance on Allah to guide and support you.
Impression: Recognise how these thoughts affect your emotions. Notice how shifting your focus to Allah’s attributes of Mercy and Protector impacts your emotional state.
Response: Choose how you will respond to these thoughts and emotions, such as using a coping strategy or challenging a negative thought. Perhaps by reciting a verse of the Quran or reflecting upon a hadith that encourages you.
Impact: Reflect on how your responses affect your anxiety and your ability to engage socially.
Theatre: Over time, observe how these changes influence your overall social interactions and confidence.
By integrating these strategies and continually applying them, you can gradually reduce your social anxiety, improve your confidence in social settings, and build more meaningful connections. This approach aligns with both the practical steps of the FLY Framework and the holistic perspective on personal development and self-care.
