Question: As a parent, I often feel undervalued and struggle to assert myself in decisions involving my family. It’s disheartening and, at times, isolating to feel as if my thoughts and feelings don’t carry as much weight as those of my partner or other family members. I want to assert myself and ensure my voice is heard in parenting decisions, but I’m anxious about overstepping or appearing disrespectful. How can I confidently assert my needs and opinions while maintaining the humility and gentleness that my faith encourages?
Answer: As a parent, asserting yourself in a manner that is both respectful and confident is crucial, and it beautifully aligns with Islamic teachings that uphold personal dignity and mutual respect. When discussing family decisions, it’s important to articulate your needs and opinions clearly yet gently, ensuring they are considered thoughtfully by your family members. Remember, Islam teaches us to advocate for justice and truth, which starts with recognising and honouring your own worth and voice within your family. As you stand up for your perspectives, do so with the compassion and grace that are integral to our faith, thereby enriching your family dynamics and boosting your own self-respect.
In embracing your role in family decisions, draw strength from the Quranic verse: ‘And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong…’ (Qur’an, 9:71). Recognise your intrinsic value (Find) as a believer and a nurturer. Your voice is not just a gift but also a vital responsibility (Love), meant to guide and protect your family by upholding what is right and fair. When you assert yourself (Yield), do it with kindness and confidence, fulfilling your esteemed role in Islam, which advocates for righteousness and balance in all relationships. By embracing this approach, you honour both your faith and your own spirit, thereby strengthening your family connections through truth, understanding, and mutual respect.
Start this journey by believing deeply in the inherent worth of your opinions and needs. Practice voicing your thoughts and desires confidently, ensuring you’re heard and valued in family discussions. Speak from a place of self-respect and dignity, anticipating understanding and reciprocity, which form the bedrock of any nurturing family environment.
Cultivate and express your worth and voice by first recognising them within yourself (“Find“), then nurturing love and respect for your own voice (“Love“). Implement “Yield” by conveying your needs and views assertively yet gently in your parenting and family interactions, ensuring they align with the dignity and gentle care encouraged by Islam.
Case: Here’s an example of how Amina learnt to assert her voice within family decisions while maintaining respect and gentleness.
Sister Amina has a lively household, and was finding it difficult to be heard, she felt her opinions on her son Hadi’s new school were often overlooked. She knew a particular school would be perfect for Hadi’s needs but was unsure how to express her choice without causing discord. After coaching, she approached the discussion with newfound confidence.
She arranged a time to discuss everything and before hand affirmed to herself, “My research is valuable and my voice matters.” This self-recognition empowered her.
She still felt quite uncomfortable, so she decided to direct her thoughts toward her son. Embracing her deep love for Hadi, she prepared to share her views, fueled by compassion and a desire for his success.
As the family gathered, Amina shared her insights calmly and clearly, saying, “I respect everyone’s opinions and would like to add my findings about a school that could be ideal for Hadi’s growth.” She laid out her research thoughtfully, inviting questions and discussion.
Her respectful approach opened up a meaningful discussion, and the family agreed to visit both schools to make an informed decision together. Amina felt a deep sense of fulfilment; she had managed to voice her thoughts effectively, bringing her family closer and ensuring that her insights contributed to Hadi’s future. Through the FLY Framework, she was able to learn that asserting herself was about sharing her perspective in a way that was thoughtful and impactful.
